I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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