what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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