He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
