His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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