i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
