Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
