ugly people sure do ruin things
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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