I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
