The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Drunk is not a location!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
