We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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