Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have post one night stand depression
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
