I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
