Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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