New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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