I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
