so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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