i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
