Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
