apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I will be naked everywhere
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
