i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Soap is not a condiment
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
