is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
