Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I seem to have left my pride at pride
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
