when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
