I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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