How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
