she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
