got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
