If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
