i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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