Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
