i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
