one might say we're banned from that church
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
