can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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