Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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