i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
