Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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