i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
