if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
