i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
