i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He felt like a one man threesome
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
