ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
