he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
