my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
