A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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