yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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