I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
