i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
