thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
