Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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