MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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