YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
