toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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