ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
