After last night, I could never be a politician.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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