Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
