I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
