Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
