We're like a lot better than the average bears
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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