i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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