This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
