your thong is hanging out like whoa
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
